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THE AUDIO-BOOK:
IS THERE LIFE AFTER FORTY? At thirty you get to the age where you finally have your head sorted, but your body starts to fall apart. At least women of forty have an easier time finding a decent man than they do finding a well-fitting bikini. That's grounds for optimism, don't you think? In the middle years of your life, you have a fantastic opportunity to make changes yourself. When your birthday cake starts to give out more light than Bengali fireworks, the moment has come to make some final corrections to your personal biography. Start off by looking at the advantages that aging brings: for example, forgetfulness is a legitimate weakness for the elderly over the age of 35. Start off by forgetting when you were born! We women want more from life than just a faithful husband, a career, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, good sex and tights that never ladder. Is that really too much to ask for? This book can help anyone: happy divorcees, reluctant singletons, loved-up gals, mums in the menopause and men who no longer understand their wives. Life is unfair, so what? The hardest years in a woman's life are those between ten and seventy! Just take a look at me - with an intact sense of humour and an intact wardrobe, I'm ready to cope with any kind of crisis. Book presentation in the Renaissance Theatre Berlin on 20th February 2005 at 12 noon. INTERVIEW WITH DÉSIRÉE NICK “Is there life after forty” asks Désirée Nick, stand-up comic, actress and celebrity, in her first book. Sharp-tongued but self-deprecating, she gives her tips “How to keep the upper hand as a lover” and her explanations “which standard lies you just have to know” and “how to save your skin when you're in love”. We spoke to the new bestselling author. What kind of life does today's forty-something woman lead? Forty-something women could be said to be a completely unknown species! In previous generations women of 42 were past their sell-by date, they had to disappear from the scene and worry themselves with problems like have I paid off the mortgage on my semi-detached house? and is the freezer full? And if the answer to both questions was yes, then that was a good life. Today things are completely different due to women's independence. Whatever their social circumstances, women have the option to lead their life themselves and without any man. They don't have to stick it out in a financial marriage and as far as their looks are concerned, a minimum of cosmetic surgery leaves them looking better than ever before. Even the meekest of secretaries have had liposuction, had their eyelids lifted and botox injections - it's completely normal. So, women in their forties have it good. Or is there a downside too? Emancipation has robbed women of two basic things - love and romance. For it's a complete utopia that you can have two kinds of life at once. And a career woman, whether she's a manager or a shop assistant, has responsibility for her work which dominates her life. Her daily routine is determined by work. But unfortunately it's not the case that men or other family members relieve them from domestic chores at home. No, the full monty, as delivered by the post-war generation, the perfect German super-housewife, she's still supposed to be there and functioning. It's never enough in our society and on days when we're stressed and in a bad mood, we still have to hear things like, “well, she's just frustrated and she's always looking miserable.” You write “As for me - single parent urban romantic - I'm just the same as you, and suffer from loneliness, disappointment, aging, unfulfilled lust, unrequited love and high heels.” What is your solution? Suffering is the best condition for working on oneself. The fatal thing about life is that you can't learn anything out of all the things that are successful and comfortable and nice, things that work, happiness - NOTHING whatsoever. You only learn from mistakes, from disappointments and failure. And I learn from all of them. I have learnt to try and be the best version of myself that I can be. “(Without a man), those have been the times when my career has suddenly gone forward in leaps and bounds” - were the men in your life always a millstone around your neck? Or, to put it differently, have you ever met a man who was stronger than you? There are lots of men who are stronger than me, but they have never been up to my dynamism, because I'm a woman who carries on developing. Men always want women and women always want men who don't change. But stagnation is death. I'm a different person today than the one I was five years ago. And if partners develop and change in different directions, then of course it's challenge for the other half of the partnership. And it's also tiring to keep up with and follow a partner. And in my case, there has never been anyone who was able to keep up with my developmental leaps. I mean, the newest thing is that as of three weeks I'm a bestselling author. Before that I was a stand-up comedian, then they called me a battleaxe entertainer, before that I was an actress at the State Theatre, before that I was an RS teacher and before that ballet dancer. And men want someone who is a chemist's assistant for ever. Period. You've had some very diverse occupations, but has the person Désirée Nick really changed so very much? Totally. People define themselves through their work. Work is half of your life. We work, and apart from that we have the rest of our day focused around work, to prepare for work or to calm down after work, and then, if we're lucky, we spend the night in a nice bedroom. What is life? I wonder what life is if you don't have a goal. Look, I was on benefits for years and was registered unemployed. I had been made redundant by the theatre, had acting jobs and roles that were then over. I was often unemployed. Do you think it would ever have occurred to me, even in a dream, to say “help me, I'm unemployed?” While I was unemployed I thought “thank God, now I've got time to learn something new”. I thought “thank God, now I can go to the library and educate myself”. Are you a restless person? No, I draw my strength from my calmness. My best holiday was two weeks on the North Sea coast, just going for walks on my own and not having to talk. I avoid any kind of confrontation when I'm not working, when I'm really trying to relax. What I hate most of all is all this celebrity hoo-ha and red-carpet fuss. I really do spend most of my time with normal people. There is nothing more boring than this star mentality and this morbid Vanity Fair on the red carpet, and the people who really rate themselves as film stars, and feel and describe themselves as film stars. That's really not my thing. On TV you always look glamorous and extremely stylish Out of 20 invitations that I get, I only accept one. And then I show myself the way people expect me to look. But that's work, that's not the way I spend my leisure time, that would be completely dishonest. Like when people stand on the red carpet and lie into the camera: “I'm just here for fun”. The jungle camp and the RTL driving license show, they weren't fun for you, they were work. You were there to deliver a good show, weren't you? Hello? When you get a fee and then you start saying, this isn't work, then that's the biggest fib in showbiz. If it's fun, then you shouldn't take a fee for it, you should do it for free. And then I wonder, what didn't you do this before? Please understand, I'm 40 years old. If I'd wanted a driving license, I would have got one by now. If I do a driving license show, then that's a job. I didn't have a driving license because I didn't want to have a car. Then I had to take driving lessons every day for six weeks, I'd be mad if I let that go to waste. Now I'm finishing the lessons in my free time, for real, for myself, without anyone watching. And in the daytime and in Berlin, where I've been practising. And not in Cologne, a town where I've never been in traffic, and certainly not at night. That's not the way you go about getting a driving license. You often write about cosmetic surgery in your book - always rather cynically and humorously and with a twinkle in your eye. What are your personal opinions? Oh, it's just like with everything. Pepper, salt and sugar are for seasoning, seasoning is great when you get the amount right. It's just useful, but most people get addicted and can't deal with it. If I throw a pound of salt into my soup, then the soup is ruined. And if you just take a pinch, then it helps the beauty to really stand out. It's the same with cosmetic surgery. It's a question of personal taste. And it shows how responsibly people behave with the possibilities they have. And you have taken advantage of all the possibilities? No, for heaven's sake. Do you think I've had a bit grafted onto my nose or what? That would be the first thing that I'd do if I had a thing for cosmetic surgery, wouldn't it? On your homepage there are a set of sexy pictures of you, and one in a cleaning woman's outfit - is that really you? I love it, the way this Alexandra Neldel from the TV series “Verliebt in Berlin” (In love in Berlin) is suddenly celebrated as a superb character actress, simply because they put a wig on her, braces on her teeth and thick glasses. That's acting! I come from the City Theatre, I played cleaning women and old women when I was in my mid-twenties. That's what actresses do. That's another role. But do you think any of the many articles about me have ever mentioned that I'm capable of transforming myself? And if I show a photo like this one, that shows me in a completely different role, a stage roll, between all of my other marketing photos, then everything asks whether I used to look like that, or whether that's what I look like without make-up Are you a sworn single or can you imagine getting married? No, not anymore. All the men of my generation are taken anyway. And if you find men who have a family and a lover, no. Seen in the cold light of day, I'm not counting on it anymore. I would have liked to get old together with someone else, when I was still young, someone who really knew me inside out. But who would that be, realistically, who could support not just me, but also my career and my responsibilities and all the commitments I have landed myself with? I would only take someone under guarantee that they support the structure that I've slowly and painfully built up. The idea of someone else coming into my life, bringing new problems into my home, that's unthinkable, I'd rather stay single. Apropos career: what are your plans for the next while? There are various formats I'm working on. One is already finished, I'm just waiting for a broadcast slot with RTL. In June I'll be back live on stage, presenting a best-of programme and then of course I'm a brand-new bestselling author. I'm in Spiegel magazine this week and I see a big future for myself there. I notice it too from the letters and emails - people are writing things like, “Write, Mrs Nick, write, what have we been doing all these years without you and your books!” Interviewed by Nicole Brunner / lorenzspringer medien. |